Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Bachelor's Guide to Boy Toys (Part 4)

Old/Wannabe Sports Car
Girl Gain: -15% (that's NEGATIVE)



Cost: Purch: $3-10k

Damn. you ALWAYS WANTED a Corvette/Porsche/300z, etc. Yeah, it's an '84, but Damnit, it's a CLASSIC.  I mean, it's got a lot of miles, but I could fix it up. I'm good at this stuff. Girls will LOVE this.

Cost: Monthly: $200-500
No matter how much you spend, it's never enough. This is how much you could spend every month for three years straight, and it will still NEVER BE ENOUGH.  You will always be broke and it will hang around your neck like a fucking anchor until you finally just kiss the cash you paid  plus everything you've sunk into away.

Age Ranges:
Five to Fifteen:  You try to fix up dad's old whatever, or the car you "bought" for $200 that just needs an engine/tranny/tires/interior/etc.

Fifteen to Eighteen:  You buy one and drive it for three weeks to two months until whatever breaks on it that costs $2000 to fix plus labor.  You have no car for a while until you get something that actually runs.

Eighteen to Thirty:  You forget about the first mistake and buy another one.  It breaks also, and now you are wiser.

Thirty to Forty-Five:  You try to help your friends/kids fix their turd up.  If you do manage to get it running, they immediately sell it, pissing you off because you did so much to help them get it running.

Forty-Five to Eighty:  You only buy cars that are new or classics that have been completely restored with receipt history. You are wise.

Note: At no time did this get you any additional sex or girls. No matter what they tell you about liking it, or even if they buy you little parts for it, they hate it and resent you for spending money on it. This DID however, keep you broke and shortened your relationships because you could have been spending the money on fun/vacations with women.

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