Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Bachelor's Guide to Boy Toys (Part 5)

New/Kickass Sports Car
Girl Gain: +10%



Cost: Purch: $15-50k
You could get a two year old clean little Eclipse GT or something like that on the low end. You could get that new Mercedes/BMW/Porsche on the upper end.

Cost: Monthly: $500  Payments and insurance.  If it's nice, you want to keep it nice. When you sell it, you'll get some of your money back, so it's not that huge an anchor, but it still costs a lot.

Age Ranges:
Five to Fifteen:  Grow up kid, toys are for big boys. Go to college.

Fifteen to Eighteen:  Dad bought you one for your birthday.  Girls will tell everyone you're stuck up and spoiled in class, then give you head in the parking lot after school.  Other guys will be jealous and think you're a dick.  You will have sex with most of the hottest girls in your school and the surrounding schools as well. If you are a fat dude, or a bookworm nerd, this car might help you keep your band geek girlfriend for a year instead of a couple weeks before she leaves you for an Alpha.

Eighteen to Thirty:  After High School, nice cars don't get you girls.  You might get more smiles at intersections, but really not many more girls.  The girls you have in your life have been in cool cars forever, with all kinds of guys.  You are not impressing them.  A nice car is simply sprinkles on the icing on the cake that is you.  Your money is better spent on nice clothes and going out.  The money you spend on this car will eat you alive financially so you'll be a prisoner in your own shitty apartment, praying no one in the complex fucks with your shit.  The payments leave you constantly broke, so you will go through gf's leaving you because "We never do anything. I'm tired of sitting around the house."  You will be happier with a reasonable car with under $200 payments.

Thirty to Fifty:  You aren't impressing anyone.  If you want a nice car, get a decent Mercedes or truck and keep it clean.  If you like sports cars, then it should be an incidental cool extra like you're favorite jacket.  If she compliments it, then don't start talking about the Porsche club you're in, just say "Thanks, it's a lot of fun."

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